10 Tips for Hosting Thanksgiving With ADHD

Hosting a Thanksgiving dinner is an executive function challenge for everyone. For someone with ADHD, it’s an additional level of difficulty. But that doesn’t mean it’s impossible and it doesn’t mean it should be avoided. If you want to host Thanksgiving, go for it. Here’s how:

1. Manage expectations. Your home does not have to be trending on Instagram. Aim for a nice-looking table, not a perfect-looking table. You may have more people coming than you have matching plates. There are two ways to solve that issue without buying a whole new set: alternate plates from different sets, or go with paper plates. Don’t worry about garlands or other table decorations—they tend to get in the way anyway. On the other hand, a few candles will make things festive enough—just be sure to place them well out of harm’s way, because accidentally burning the house down is never a good ending.
2. Write down your game plan. Open a Google Doc or Word file that you can adjust year after year. Put your recipes in it, and also a list of all the stuff you need to make the recipes. So for the turkey, what isn’t obvious in most recipes includes: a roasting pan or cookie sheet to put it on, a roasting rack to hold it up, a baster or brush, a thermometer, forks to lift the turkey up, and a sharp knife or two for the carving. Likewise, for making stuffing, make sure you have listed the casserole pans you are going to put it in, as well as any serving dishes you will need. Oh… and don’t forget about the gravy!
3. Delegate. It is, simply put, difficult for one person to make a multicourse dinner for a lot of people. And the people you are hosting may truly want to bring something (or a store may truly want to sell you something). Although you give up some control, you get the benefit of other families’ traditional dishes, and the mess that goes into making them is at another house. If people bring dishes, make sure they know that they need to be cooked at their house and preferably brought to your house warm, at least. Because your oven is likely going to have a big bird in it.
4. Do not try to remember when your dishes need to come out of the oven. Put a timer on for everything, not just the oven but for simmering or other tasks on the stove. A voice-activated system such as Alexa, Google Home, or Apple HomeKit will let you set the timer even if your hands are slimy from cracking eggs or chopping food. You can also set the system to remind you to put the turkey in the oven (allow at least two hours to cook depending on the size).
5. Make whatever possible well ahead of time. This could mean October (next year!). Doing so will allow you to focus on making one dish at a time (less overwhelming for sure) and also give you time to clean up all the cooking items for that dish well in advance. Things that can be made ahead and frozen include but are not limited to: stuffing, gravy, sweet potato recipes, cranberry sauce, and breads (not mashed potatoes, though). Think about your freezer space and borrow someone else’s freezer space if you need to. It’s totally worth it.
6. Leave time for defrosting dishes (and the turkey). If you make the dishes ahead of time, they likely will need at least 24 hours to defrost–along with that turkey you bought, which needs a minimum of 24 hours to defrost.
7. Set the table in advance of Thanksgiving day, if possible. It will take more time to set the table than you think. This, too, is an excellent task to delegate.
8. Plan your oven use on the day of Thanksgiving. If you have one oven, everything other than the turkey needs to be cooked by about three hours before the dinner. Once something has been cooked (or, for dishes in advance, rewarmed), keep them warm in insulated bags while the turkey is cooking. Then, when the turkey comes out of the oven and rests, pop them back in your warm oven for a final heating, covered in foil.
9. Write down a list of every dish you have prepared in advance. More than once, we have forgotten to set out a dish we made, only discovering it in the fridge after the meal.
10. Relax. There’s only one Martha Stewart, but the rest of us still enjoy Thanksgiving anyway. If something doesn’t work out, just laugh it off—don’t focus on it. The point of Thanksgiving is not to be the “hostess with the mostess,” but to be thankful for everything you have.

You will ultimately have to decide whether hosting is “worth it” to you—but don’t let ADHD make that decision for you.